A journal entry -- 17 October 2010

Hey bloggers,

I am writing today another journal entry, from my actual journal. It goes, like this:

"Dear Journal,

Fall break is next week. I was spending some time trying to look up classes to take come Spring 2011. While searching, I soon noticed there were no classes that honestly sparked an interest. Maybe I've taken all I could bear to take here at UNC. What's more troublesome is my shallow belief that maybe I've wasted a lot of my time here as well. It'd be terrible to discover that the last three years of my life were traveled in vain, or that my academic endeavors thus far were ultimately unwanted or unwarranted.

"Lately, people inquire if I truly wanted Psychology. I will admit, I love the subject, but would be wanton of me to declare it is the only thing I enjoy. I'm quick to answer thusly, "I like it, but I could have majored in anything". That suggests -- exposes? -- my desire for change, desire to start over. I do, honestly, love psychology, but I also love art, photography, writing, mathematics, and all of the natural sciences. My interests are so broad and far-reaching; it's amazing I managed to focus, for any amount of time, on one thing.

"Alas, I suppose that this too, this "path", may have been, in and of itself, "fated". Does it not make sense that here unto a person, such as myself, be thrust a fate permitting of only the most superior challenges? Has then, my whole life, been not the plagues of one sorrowfully inept at choosing? That, perhaps, my qualms are without due cause? And, in the greatest shock of all, my anxieties birthed not from the conflicts thereof, but from the sheer note that no conflict need to be had? Yes, I propound that it be quite possible for my cardiac tumult being the reaction to unnecessary strains. Mootly put: I needn't stress over making a decision, because said decision has already been made. Suggestive of predestination. Understand? I ache not because I don't know what to do, but rather because I have not emancipated my self to affirm what has already been decided.

"Well, I suppose there's no time better than the present to confirm the future what it's been denied thus past.

"I'll go. I want to, I suppose. I need to, I know. Therefore, simple conclusion, I shall. Why delay? Why fight? Why impede the coming of the inevitable? Take what you've been dealt, yes? It is our way. It is what's best."

End Entry.

~Kat